Unspeakable Emotions
by Kanes Fyre
Summary: Oneshot. Kane is an inhuman monster who destroys everyone in his path. Yet one anonymous superstar has feelings for him but why can't he express them? Slash.


_This is something I wrote eight months ago on a floppy disk that I thought  
was lost forever. Fortunately, I found it last night while cleaning under  
my bed [lol]. Well, it's the P.O.V of an anonymous superstar who feels for  
Kane emotions that are...well....unspeakable. I wrote this during the Shane  
McMahon/Kane storyline but it takes place during the summer when Kane  
unmasked. This is slash so if you don't like it, then shove off. All flames  
will be ignored or laughed at. And if you want to know who's the anonymous  
superstar, then guess!_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Kane or any other person affiliated with the WWE in  
this fic_

I watched you from my place.

Never saying anything.

Never expressing anything.

You probably think I'm the last person who'd ever think about you this way. Believe me, I myself never thought I'd have feelings like this.

You're such an inhuman monster. You're not as beautiful as when you had  
your angelic mask and flowing auburn curls but you're still there.

Sometimes I curse myself at night for not even saying anything to you  
before except calling you a freak.

You were a freak.

You are a freak.

But you're a beautiful freak.

Many times I'm frustrated with myself, running my fingers through my hair.  
In the ring, I may seem so full and arrogant of myself because of my talent  
and good looks. But when camera's off, I'm just your average frustrated  
guy. You don't even seem to think I exist.

Sure, I'm dealing with bigger problems and higher authority but it doesn't  
mean I don't notice you. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be an  
unwanted monster. To feel the scars on my soul. I wouldn't know because I'm  
not considered ugly.

With my angelic features and blue eyes.

Whenever I'm drunk off my ass, I sometimes I hold the lighter near my face  
just wondering what it would be like to be burned alive.

A taste of misery and despair.

But I'll never have the balls to leave it on my untouched skin just for a  
second. I don't have the courage to spend most of my life thinking I'm a  
disfigured freak. I admire you for that. Somehow, you manage to carry the  
burden and expectance of being a monster.  
  
I think a lot about you Kane. But I'm afraid that I'll never be able to  
show it. I clench my fist in anger at these emotions cursing though me, the  
pain I go through because of you. But you'll never know it. No one will  
know the pain and emotions that curse through my veins.

These emotions, both good and bad, when every show, I see you hurt another  
human being. No pity. No remorse. No compassion.

Is it because you've been that pained person one too many times? Betrayed by those people who claimed to be your loved ones but hurt you the most?

Paul Bearer, that fat manipulative bastard who turned you into what you  
are?

Undertaker, the man who claimed to be your brother but was the one who lit  
the match, thus causing the fire that killed your own parents and scarring  
you for life?

Chyna, that damn she-male who claimed to be your friend but betrayed you  
for HHH?

X-Pac, the man who claimed to be your friend but stabbed you in the back  
because of DX?

Tori, that backstabbing whore who claimed to love you but betrayed you  
right in front of your eyes by leaving you for of all people, your former  
best friend X Pac?

All these people who claimed to care for you but ended up hurting you the  
most. That's why you get joy from hurting others? You want them to feel  
the pain you feel everyday of your life. I wish I can help you through your  
pain.

But I can't.

I'm too afraid of what others would think if they ever found out the  
emotions I have for you. I have a reputation. It's the only thing that  
keeps me alive and breathing. It's the only thing that helps me survive in  
this business. And yes, many don't like it, you yourself may hate it with  
passion but that's just how I am. I made it like that and that's how it's  
going to stay. I could never go back to the way I was before. My reputation  
and ego got me where I am.

If I hadn't change I would've never made it to the top. I would still be in  
the midriff, never going up or down. Like Christian. My change of attitude  
was the thing that highlighted my career.

Like you, before I wasted my time trying to please the fans. I do what I  
want to do and I always try to get things done. It may result in being a  
big kiss ass but at least I get what I want in the end.

But to reveal to the world how I feel about you, it would shatter me  
completely. It would be my downfall. No one would understand. My wings  
would break and I'd go crashing down into hell. They'd wonder what the fuck  
have I been taking to ever joke, let alone admit that I ever even had one  
good feeling about you.

Me, caring about the hideous monster Kane?

Me, the one who brags about how great I am?

Me, who could get any woman I wanted just from my good looks?

Please forgive me but I just can't reveal these feelings to you. Let the  
world know these unspeakable emotions that I hide inside me. I'm too afraid of what others  
would think.

I'm too afraid of what you would think.

I'm a coward.

And it's the fact that no one would understand. They'd never understand  
the way I feel. These unspeakable emotions I feel for you. The pain that I  
must carry with me like a dead weight. The way it eats me from the inside  
out.

It makes me sick.

Not being able to eat.

Not being able to sleep.

Not being able to breathe.

Damn you Kane! You did this to me! Without even trying, you literally  
reduced me to this. Damn you! Why can't I get you out of my fuckin head?!

Leave me alone.

Damn you.

Look what you're done to me.

You've made me feel your pain in a way you'd never expect.


End file.
